I Really Love Your Tiger Feet
Is something I have never said to any human. Or tiger. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to break this news to you. This is seriously groundbreaking stuff. Like, I would say, “why hasn’t someone thought of this before?” but it takes a very special kind of person to think of something like this. Even now, I’m pretty sure that this guy is pulling my leg. If so, I will find you and I will frill you. For the record, I’m writing this from a very disbelieving point of view so if this backfires as a huge wind-up, then I’m covered. But for now, let’s pretend Sock N Roll is actually real.
Done your Christmas shopping this year? Pfft. Return everything. Because Sock N Roll is about to hit screens and feet all over the country. And I have a feeling that this is going to be one of the most fun blogs I have ever glued my eyes to at 11.12pm. Because yes, whilst all of you little humans are watching crap on Channel 4, I am sitting in my pants writing about socks. But not just any socks. Because there is so much more to these socks than you will ever know. Sock it to me bab-eh.
Sock N Roll
You know when you were a kid and your granny bought you socks and you were like, “Jesus Christ granny, it’s Christmas nae the ice age?” Well, personally I don’t actually know that feeling because I ducking love socks for Christmas. I think I am one of the only humans who actually ask for socks for Christmas. Because that is literally the only time I get sock stock so rest ye and be grateful etc.
Also, have you noticed how much I am beating around the sock story because I blatantly don’t know how to make such an announcement whilst also doing Sock N Roll any real justice? Well, feck it. Here she blows. Sock tunes. And yeah I know that leaves you none the wiser. So let’s just paint the picture.
The Picture Painted
You’re sitting by the Christmas tree, hissed at 9am, crying into your sh*tty poached eggs, wondering what the next pile of wrapped garbage that lands in your drunken lap will be. Low and behold, the package is squidgy, like your mums badly cooked beef. You wanted turkey. Another disappointing Christmas with this bunch of idiots. You begin to open the package in your half-sozzled state, practically chewing at the 7 layers of Sellotape. And out pops yet another pair of socks. And you think, “great, this means I can continue my Hadrians wall of socks across the living room floor.” Followed by, “Thanks grandma, I’ll treasure them always.” But you my friend, are the fool.
You see, your grandma knows you better than this. Your grandma kicks other grandma ass. She says, “Willy my lad, take a closer look at those foot warmers” and you pick them up whilst thinking, “Wow, this is the best Christmas ever, these socks are cable knit. But wait… What is this? These socks are loaded. What? How can this be?”
Then you look at grandma. And she’s sitting there with a face like a proud cats arse. “Well Willy you see, you are an awful lad for Christmas presents since you turned 38. I just dinna ken what to get you. So I got you a pair of socks that you can use to go to the dancing.”
I Love Sock N Roll
When grandma says dancing, she means Scotlands top gigs of 2019. Because these socks are loaded with a unique code which you can redeem for tickets to some of Scotland’s hottest gigs of 2019 including TRNSMT, Summer Sessions and some pretty spectacular gigs in Scotland. Because in these parts, our socks are way better than yours. Grab yours here as they are extremely limited!
